Weigh-In time! But before we get there let's have a little discussion about distorted body image. Every test on every web site that I can find that offers such "tests" tells me that I hate my body. Some go so far as to tell me that I have a Disorder known as Body Dismorphic Disorder loosely translated as body hatred.
Did any of the tests ask me if I thought I had attractive features? Or are there parts of my body that I like? Or if not wearing revealing clothing has anything to do with age appropriateness? Not a one. They asked if I'd feel uncomfortable exercising in a group of attractive fit people. DUH! I felt uncomfortable last night doing stretches and learning a few exercises at TOPS amongst people who are struggling just as much as I am to shed a few pounds!! They asked if I feel uncomfortable trying on clothing in a store. I HATE shopping. I wouldn't care if I was a size zero with Jennifer Lopez's bank account behind me... I would be uncomfortable. Period.
But back to the dismorphia... The first time I heard about such a "disorder" was on the Rosy O'Donnell show a few years back when she said that she doesn't see what other people see when she looks in the mirror. Like me, Rosy had bounced around a bit, losing weight and looking in the mirror and still seeing the body that she had left behind. Or gaining the weight and thinking, 'Gee I don't look too bad...' It is not a fun affliction. Just as anorexic people can't see how thin they are, I couldn't see how big I was/am. It is ONLY through photographs that I can see myself. Mirrors are as distorting for me as if I was in a funny house full of distorting mirrors. And sadly for me, after a full year of working at this, I still see the same shape and size as I was 12 months ago. OK I know my ankles aren't nearly as pudgy as before. And when I look down when I am on the treadmill I now see my knees where a year ago I saw belly doing a lovely little jiggle joggle... but mirrors? Not my friends.
OK... as the ticker above my blog entry now reveals, I have lost, misplaced, dropped, shed, taken off, eradicated 26 pounds from my frame. Holy Butter Cream Icing! 26 POUNDS! I can't lift 26 lbs. Well I can, but not easily! And I surely can't carry it for long! But my body was carrying it. Under protest! My knees creaked, my back hurt, my heart pounded and my lungs were asking what the heck I was doing to them... and that was just bringing in the groceries from the car!
The ticker tells a story... a journey. At times I thought it was a lost cause but I've made it this far. Another year will tell another story. I have 44 weeks of weigh-ins before Ryan and Raisa marry in August. That's another opportunity for the camera to tell me that I am doing OK on this journey. Until then I'll just forget about the mirrors and remember that "Eating Less, Moving More and Drinking Lots "(of water!) is getting me to where I need to be. I probably still won't enjoy putting on a swimsuit, trying on clothes or exercising amidst the athletic types, but I will be loving the Lori that emerged along the way to being a little less of me to love!
