Hitting a Wall

Yep, you heard it here first. I've hit a wall. I was up 1.5 pounds on Monday night and all around me in that room were people who were celebrating losses. Well, not everyone, it just felt that way, but I definitely wasn't celebrating. When I am up at the weigh-in I feel like I should  put on my coat, drop my dollar in the "fat can" and slink away. But I stayed and felt good for the member who gained 7 pounds over Christmas and now has it gone again. I clapped as the biggest loser for the week got her prize and was absolutely delighted that my best friend and tiny shrimp of a girl is now back in her leeway ( TOPS term for being in a range around her goal weight that the organization considers to be acceptable).

And was I motivated to do better?    ... not at all. I just feel defeated. Or I should say I felt defeated. Monday night, Tuesday, Wednesday and most of Thursday I was disgusted with myself. Then came a TV show about weight loss and I saw a 12 year old boy cry because he was overweight. In the program that followed he learned to ride bike for the first time and started with the help of his family to eat better choices in food. I felt a subtle shift in my attitude. Something I can't even put into words. But if I had to say anything it is that every week can't be a losing week. But every week I can work at it. I can exercise and eat healthy and stop the snacking (always been my downfall). And if there is a day I don't exercise or a meal that doesn't fit into the "healthy eating" description or there's a little too much giving into my cravings, it isn't the end of the world. Tomorrow might be worse but I can try to make it better!

I treadmilled (I know it isn't a real word but I like it) for 50 minutes this morning and did 100 crunches. There is now a love-hate relationship with the treadmill. I CANNOT STAND the first 10 minutes I am on that beast. There's no speed that I feel comfortable at and I am as grumpy as any woman can be. But then comes the sweet spot... the point when the stride is perfect, the music is exactly what I need and I finally get used to the trickle of sweat that is going down my spine. EWWWW! I hate sweating!  And when that spot kicks in, I can convince myself that I can go for one more song. Sure I can. I want to quit as I approach each 5 minute increment and then when I get there and the song isn't finished I tell myself that another 5 is fine. The music and the darling iPod is my salvation!

So here's my first blog entry for February! In 16 days I start the journey to Spain and my girlie!  Ryan and his sweet Raisa are in Hawaii today for a well-deserved holiday. Enjoy!

My beautiful children!